A New Path

This year started out with a bang! Truly it started full force in January, this journey with my son.  I am very thankful for it though.  It has definitely been a lot of work and tough times, but I am keeping faith in God and trusting Him to guide me each step.  He has shown up just as He always promises!

It started with a teacher conference.  I knew Jacob was going to be struggling with reading this year, so that was no surprise.  The surprise was when his teacher said he might be on the retention list, WHAT!  I had no idea it was that bad.  That is when our journey began.

I went through several meetings with school staff, teachers, and learning centers all while hearing words like dyslexia to ADHD to dairy intolerance having no idea about any of it.  I am not against medicines but I am not quick to use them either.  I knew this early in the process I did not want to put him on medication for ADHD.  I am not denying there is a problem with his focus and learning ability, just didn't want to put a band aid on a bullet wound.  I knew in my mommy gut that there was more going on with my son then just ADHD.  I knew I was going to be his only voice in this process.  I began to cry out in desperation to God to show me what direction to go, what are you showing me about Jacob in this process, what do You want me to do God.  All of these things went through my head everyday, everyday I was on my knees in prayer about them as well.  I am so glad I took this route slowly! Praise the Lord for showing me what He has.  God has never showed me more then one step at a time during this process and I know its because He is still working on me with my control issues.

I got to point of okay God so you don't want me to use medicine on him right now what do you want me to do???  Shortly after that moment He brought a friend to mind who was posting about how essential oils can help with your family.  I contacted her immediately to ask can essential oils help with ADHD.  That is when I was introduced to doTERRA essential oils.  I was reading all that I could get my hands on about essential oils and was amazed at the amount of people it was helping.  I was ready to try it.

I started small with using the essential oils.  Jacob was also fighting eczema, which was nothing new, but molluscum started in the fall.  After taking him to doctor that fall, I was told it will go away on its own after 6 months up to 1 1/2 years! I saw these little bumps go from about 10 to 50+ in a few months.  I thought there has to be an oil for that, there seems to be an oil for everything else and there was! I used clove oil diluted with almond oil, applied with Q-tip.  There are all almost gone!!!!  So it has been a month and I am happy to say we have about 5 left and they are so tiny!

My second use of the essential oils was for his eczema.  He had horrible patches all over his mid-section.  I began using lavender and meleluca diluted with almond oil and he is eczema free after 2 weeks!  I was sold out on doTERRA essential oils!  I wish I took before pictures, but just didn't think to do that till last week and it was too late cause most ailments were gone!

Next step was to work on his focus ability and figure out what would work best to help him with ADHD.  I started with Balance on his feet and InTune on his spine and neck.  After a week of morning and night use, I thought I was seeing progress but no one else had mentioned a difference.  I prayed again asking God to let me know if I am wasting my time or on the right track.  A day later, after picking Jacob up from his Sunday school, his teacher told me how wonderful he was that day, he was so calm and even lead the group in prayer.  I cried! I knew that was God letting me know I was on the right track!

The next week we all got a cold and it traveled through the whole family.  Jacob got it the worst as usual.  His settles in his chest and he will have a horrible cough and boogers like crazy!!!  I treated all that with essential oils, nothing more!  After a few days he woke up one night complaining his ear hurt.  Another ear infection, I treated it completely with essential oils; meleluca, basil, and lavender drops on cotton ball placed in ear.  It was gone in a day! This stuff is CRAZY!!!!!

After all that I keep thinking why does he create so much mucus.  It seems so much worse then the rest of us.  This is when I began to hear over and over "dairy intolerance".  As I began to research more and more, I was stunned and how much of the list for dairy intolerance was a dead ringer for problems Jacob was having: seasonal allergies, eczema, brain fog, ADHD, ear infections, poor immune system to name a few things.  He has all of them!  I was stunned! So we are in the process of no dairy for him.  We are going into week 3 now and things are looking great!  I have begun to use essential oils for his seasonal allergies and so far so good!  They are not in full force where we live yet but they are starting.  I am using a combo of lavender, lemon, and peppermint.   Praying the no-diary diet and essential oils will make all the difference for him this year!

We are not at the end of this journey and things on the list have not been dismissed, but I have seen HUGE improvements in him.  I know it has been because of prayer and doTERRA oils.

Want to know more about doTERRA essential oils? Feel free to ask me!  I am early in my learning process but they have been working wonders on our family.  If I don't know the answer I will find out for you! Ready to order some oils now, click here!

MIA...

Wow, just realized I've been MIA the month of Jan! Where has the time gone???  I think I just wanted to recover from busy holiday season.  I tend to withdraw every January, some of it due to weather and other from the busy season.  

If you are in the Atlanta area, you definitely know what I mean by weather withdrawal. It's been a nutty winter thus far.  Last week in particular with the snow and ice storm that hit.  I got catch in the millions that were trying to head home that Tuesday.  I was only 10 minutes from my house but couldn't manage to get there.  I had to re-route after an hour because the bridge was closed that I have to travel over to get to my house.  After it was all said and done, 7 1/2 hours later I arrived at the bottom of our drive.  I was so happy to be home!  Praise God for great neighbors, who cared for my kids while I was trying to get home.  

(These pics are all from the following day.)

During that trip, God showed me a lot about Himself and myself.  First He revealed to me how much of a control freak I am.  For me that moment looked a little like when you scrunch your face up and say "Really, me???"  That should have been an even bigger indicator for me it is an issue.  I had NO control for those hours, my family, my car, those around me, the weather, bathroom breaks, food, the list goes on.  I was totally cool the first hour, I think it was because I thought surely it wont be long and I'll be in my safe haven, home with my kids. Second hour was another story, I could feel the anxiety building, when I finally saw that no matter what direction I am going there is more and more traffic, loosing more and more control.  I wanted to scream!!!! I can't do anything to help my kids, myself, or even those around me.  I'm going nowhere fast.  My insides were about to explode! I have never reacted like this, but I guess because I have never been in a situation like this.  

After a while I could hear God whispering to me, calm down, calm down, calm down.  When I finally heard Him, I thought, "Wow, how long had He been saying that to me and I was too busy throwing a tantrum to hear Him?!" Then Philippians 4:6 came to my mind, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  That is exactly what I began to do...pray and give thanks.  

I prayed for safety for those around me and myself, for the kids who are stuck at school, for the teachers who are also there, for those who's car maybe isn't in the best shape, maintenance wise or those who needed gas, bathroom, food, medications, with kids in the car who had the same needs, but we know those needs for kids are elevated, for those who's heat may not be working at all or maybe it stopped the day before and they haven't had a chance to take their car in to get repaired or don't have the money to do it at all.  You get the idea, I took my mind off myself and thought of others and began to intercede on their behalf before our Almighty God.  

When you do that, it really is a powerful moment because what follows that is thanksgiving, because you then realize how fortunate you are in that situation.  My kids were able to get home safely, my neighbor was home to care for my kids, my car's engine is working wonderful, my heat in my car works, I was able to stop and have access to bathroom, gas station, water, food along my way home, many lost control and had accidents, many got stuck with no help. 

My anxious heart was calmed by God, the Holy Spirit brought scripture to my mind (John 14:26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.) This is an amazing reason why you should read the bible and memorize scripture.  The Holy Spirit will give you what you need in those moments to rely on God for your help.  This experience is also proof when said the Word is alive, it truly is alive and living. When I began to obey scripture by not being anxious, and in every situation use prayer, with thanksgiving, by giving it to God, He freed me in those hours.  I began to see beauty all around me, perfect strangers helping each other, showing love for one another, the pure white snow He provided, He created.  I also noticed birds.  Sounds a little weird, but I saw them everywhere as I was creeping on the highway.  Even once I returned home, the next day we saw them all in our yard, though out the day.  

The birds were not even phased by all that was going on around them, actually seemed to not worry at all. My ultimate message from God, "Chill out Coleen, I've got this!" :)

Matthew 6:26-27 Look at the birds in the sky. They don't sow seed or harvest grain or gather crops into barns.  Yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Aren't you worth much more than they are? Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life? 

Matthew 6:33-34 Instead, desire first and foremost God's kingdom and God's righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore, stop worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Chew on this...

Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 It is the season of Thanksgiving, but what about “when you’re not really feeling all that thankful? When we’re really not feeling all that thankful, what if – in obedience – we thanked Him based on what we know to be true? That we thanked Him for who He is, and for the fact that His ways are higher than our ways. We thanked Him for His unwavering strength instead of our own shaky frailty. Thank God for writing such a personal, loving story of redemption for our lives – one that will make His glory shine in dark places. Thank Him for the blessings that can only be attributed to His goodness when they arrive in the form of miracles in the midst of trials. Thank Him for compassionate hearts and open doors to encourage others with our stories of God’s faithfulness in desperate times. Thank Him for the thorn in our side, that continually drives us to the cross, reminding us of our great need for a Savior! Thank you, God, for this gift of seeing your more clearly.” This is from Good Morning Girls devotional. Pray for a year round grateful heart. ~ Frances

Chew on this...

Thanking God for always providing what I need to do His work. Thanking God for always being there for me. Thanking God for growth through His word. Thanking God! I could go on and on and when people say they have little to be thankful for or they look at all the things they are not in their lives, I ask myself why? Could be they are looking to themselves or other people to provide them something to be thankful for? People as well as ourselves will always let us down, but God will not! Look to God and all He provides, give thanks to God this thanksgiving. You too will have many things to thank God for!!! Happy Thanksgiving! ~ Frances

Are you running to a wall?

I decided to read Hagar's story this morning.

I wanted to see in the Bible Genesis 16:13.

NIV - She gave this name to The Lord who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me,' for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me."

ESV - So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "Truly here I have seen him who looks after me."

MSG -  She answered God by name, praying to God who spoke to her, "You're the God who sees me! Yes! He saw me; and then I saw him!"

Hagar's life was in distress.  She was pregnant with no husband or family to care for her.  Her mistress, Sarai, was angry and mistreating her, so Hagar ran away.  She ran away from all the hardship and pain in her life, wanting to start a new life somewhere else.  Just needing to get away from it all and get a break from the stress that was in her life in that very moment.  It felt too much for her to handle. Man, I can TOTALLY relate to that!

There are many times I just want to run away, cut all ties and get out of dodge!  I get that feeling that God doesn't see me and see my needs and wants.  He seems to give me the opposite of what I'm asking for.  I'm at a place now I just want to run and start a new, tired of the pit of mud I feel I'm sinking in.  I want to flee from the harshness of life (verse 6).  Keep reading cause the next verse sums it all up for those of us wanting to flee.

Genesis 16:7 "The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur."

When we are fleeing from our troubles, trying to get away from it all to the wilderness, desert, or place of solitude, make sure you park your troubles by the spring of water, the living water that is Jesus Christ.  There He is waiting for you to run to a place of solitude not by yourself, but run to a place of solitude with Him, so He can refresh your soul.  He sees you and your troubles.  He knows you are running and He is there waiting for you.

John 4:14 But whoever drinks of the water that I give him will never be thirsty again.  The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

I looked up what Shur means, that was the place Hagar was on her "way to" verse 7.  Shur means wall. WOW, she was fleeing hardships only to flee to a wall.  The Lord stopped her from hitting that wall. He arrived at just the right time as He always does.  In this moment, Hagar realizes she is not alone, she has not been forgotten.  He is a God who sees her and her troubles.  He is a God who sees you and your troubles.  He is a God who sees me and my troubles.

Genesis 16:13 So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "Truly here I have seen him who looks after me."

Let's step back just a few verses.  Before all this realization happens for Hagar, read verse 9.

Genesis 16:9 The angel of the Lord said to her, "Return to your mistress and submit to her."

OUCH!!! I want to grumble to the Lord in this very moment.  This is also a moment of some irony as well, since I just taught a lesson to my kids this morning before school about obedience without grumbling.  How Abraham obeyed God without grumbling or complaining when the Lord asked him to sacrifice Issac. OUCH again!!!

Philippians 2:14 Do all things without grumbling or questioning.

I am called to return and submit.  That is a really large pill for me to swallow right now.  Why is God asking me to do this because my whole being wants to flee and run in the opposite direction He is telling me to go.  Oops, there is the questioning. :)  Take a deep breathe then keep reading back to verse 13.  I can return to whatever I'm fleeing from, walking refreshed and tall to what God is calling me to do because God is a God who sees me and looks after me.  He is the same God for you as well!

This is all very hard or maybe even feels impossible to do because you haven't fully, completely put your trust in Him. You have to do that first before you can obey without grumbling.  You have to trust He sees you in all your struggles and pain.  You have to trust He loves you and only wants the best for you.  You have to put your trust in Him, ALL of it, so that when He calls you to what seems impossible, you can obey without grumbling because you have trust in your Father who adores you.

Costa Rica follow up... finally!

I have been trying to figure out for the past month what to write about this trip.  It just did not go as I expected.  I have prayed about what to write and God has now given me the words.

Costa Rica was a whirlwind of a trip.  It might sound discouraging, but coming out on the other side now, I know it all filtered through His hands and for a reason.

My mom, Frances, has been asking me for years to go on this trip with her.  I have continued to say no.  I never felt God leading me down that path.  Over the years my heart became hardened to the idea of Costa Rica.  I was feeling a little like Pharaoh in Moses life.  Until January 2013, my heart was instantly changed.  I knew God was calling to go on this trip because of the softening He did in my heart.  The veil was lifted for me.  2 Cor 3:16 says “But whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is removed.”  I knew it was time for me to obey. 

I went with a very expecting heart to learn more about God.  For Him to reveal Himself to me, for me to experience Him in a way I never have.  Boy did I ever!

Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  On this trip God revealed things about myself that was very ugly.  I did not like what He was showing me.  It was very painful to see that side of me.  In the midst of this trip, I felt like it was all about me and learning more about myself.  I wanted this trip to be all about God.  I was very angry and frustrated once returning home, even thought, “Won’t be doing that again!  Why would you, God, take me all the way to Costa Rica to show me how ugly I am?! What a waste!"

This last month, God has shown me that trip was about me, but yes it was also about Him.  It was about the two of us together.  The trip was never meant to be only about Him.  It was about our relationship growing, my trust in Him growing.  He was showing me how much He loves and cares for me, not to leave me just as I am.  He loves me so much to let all that pain filter through to help transform me to be more like Christ.  2 Cor 3:18 says “so all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord.  And the Lord-who is the Spirit-makes us more and more like Him as we are change into His glorious image. “

Over the years I’ve felt confused with who I am and even said, “I don’t recognize myself any more, not even sure who I am.”  God used my obedience with Costa Rica to secure me to Him.  Of course I’m not the same person I was back then.  Praise God!  I have been saved and transformed through Christ.  This unrecognizable person is Christ working in me.  He is cleaning out all my ugly’s and making room for Him to live and occupy my whole heart, not just part of it, the whole thing.  He’s putting up a no vacancy sign for sin! 

There were times on the trip when my mind and thoughts were running wild, but the Holy Spirit brought me to Phil 4:8 “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”

This trip God showed me how out of control I let my thoughts go, and that I allow those thoughts to consume and control my actions.  One specific morning when we arrived at the church grounds we were building, I knew Satan was waiting to consume my mind.  I went to the bathroom praying to God to take captive my thoughts.  I knew this was becoming a controlling factor for me.  I began to recite Phil 4:8.  I was drawing a blank.  I could only think of two things, “whatever is true and whatever is pure” I couldn’t remember the rest of the verse at all, nothing was coming to mind, completely blank. I asked God, actually it was more like begging Him, to bring something that is true and pure.  Lord let me see whatever is true and pure.  I was walking out of the bathroom repeating those two truths when a little girl, maybe 4 or 5, who had not been at the work site previous days, ran up to me and gave me the tightest hug.  I knew that was Christ in the little girl, true and pure.  He was letting me know He has never left my side even in those dark moments of my mind.  He loves me too much to leave me broken as I am.

This trip has opened my eyes to God’s great love for each one of us as His children.  God is teaching, molding, conforming me to be more like Him through the hardships.  I love the song by Mercy Me, Bring the Rain. The words are so powerful and so very true for me right now! In the stormy moments of life, that is when our relationship with God grows at its greatest; our need for Him is greatest; His love for us is greatest.

Will I go on a mission trip again? Most definitely!  I did learn more about God but also about myself and who I am in Christ.

Eph 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.

I am so thankful for God’s grace!  

Rock my world...part 5 final

Just because we are Christians, definitely doesn't mean we are perfect or have no sin in our lives.  We are in and always will be in constant refinement to become more and more like Christ.  We have to accept that refinement offered because it is for our good so that we can be molded to be more in His image!

"And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested.  They will call upon my name, and I will answer them.  I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’” Zechariah 13:9

"o that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 
1 Peter 1:7

"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver I have tried you in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

And my favorite,

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

I am starting to understand that believers of Christ may even experience more trials and struggles at times.  The saying that church is full of hypocrites, it sure is, because ALL have sinned and fall short.

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"  Romans 3:23

Did you catch that small word, ALL?! No limits there.  Doesn't say only Christians or only short people or only beautiful or whatever, ALL!  So Christians are not exempt by any means.

Something else I've learned is that refinement also comes in the way of being sifted by Satan.

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” Luke 22:31-32

I know I was being sifted by Satan through these years.  Satan was desiring me to be separated from God's goodness or blessings and His ways.  Satan wanted me to live beaten down and to stay quite about God and the opportunities I had to glorify Him.  I was so consumed with fear my eyes were off my Lord.  I never said anything or told people about God and how He was working in my life.  My fear was holding me back.  I didn't want to draw attention to myself and in that I never drew attention to Jesus either.  I was living in fear of what people might think of me so I would sit quietly.  I wasn't allowing my boast to be in Christ and what He is doing to change my life.  

Satan is going to constantly try to keep our hearts and minds off God.  He will use any way, any situation, any lie, anything, anything, anything, so that God doesn't receive the glory He is worthy of! Satan used that on me, I see that now.  It kept me quite for many years, but I have broken free! Sure he'll try again in the future and pretty sure it will be sooner then later.  

I LOVE Chris Tomlin! He is one of my favorite artist, right after you Overflow! 

Chris's song "Whom Shall I Fear" is awesome! This particular part of the lyrics is perfect!

"You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side"

I know who goes before me and who stands behind, God of Angel Armies always by my side! Woohoo!

Keep your chin up christian soldier! :) Jesus is praying directly for you and me.

"but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail" Luke 22:32

We can come to Christ just as we are, filthy, broken, crazy, whatever; we can have confidence that He loves us so much to not leave us as we are.  He continues to refine and allow that sifting, so that through the process and after it's done we can give Him ALL the glory for what He is creating us to be for Him.

Praise be to God and to God be the glory!

Rock my world God...part 4

Coming full circle back to the women's conference... had this thought after Friday night, "God I'm tired! Tired after this journey with my hubby's job, can't we take a quick break before you start on something else with me?" Not possible because the next day was when that sweet older woman entered my life, Sunday was when Todd Peterson's speech entered my life.

I went to bed with a heavy burden thinking what on earth are you up to Lord? A few days later I shared my heart with my hubby, everything I was thinking and feeling, good and bad thoughts, didn't care in that moment what I looked like to him.  He earned a crazy amount of brownie points that day because he sat and listened just hearing my heart and offering advise and suggestions, not just fix its ideas.

God used him to speak to me, coming to the conclusion, "Don't you think you are just as bad as those who draw attention to themselves?!"  I was thinking "WHAT?! Are you kidding me, I'm being humble!" He explained further by saying you are so consumed with not taking a risk for the fear of rejection or that even one person wont accept you or fear that one person will pass judgement on you.  With that fear, you in turn do nothing for God, thinking you are being humble.  We still have to put effort toward what God has for our lives.  That takes action on my part.  Actually putting myself out there for His glory, with no worry of judgement or fear of failure.  He made me realize I will even let just one persons rejection control me from giving God the glory for all He has done, provided, and given to me in my life.  I had become a martyr, but not in a good way.  Martyr is defined as a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion OR a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle.  Also saw this statement when researching definition of martyr: A great show of suffering in order to arouse sympathy.  Man was that what I was doing?! Thinking this would make me look like, yes I love the Lord, I sacrifice for Him, but was He even calling me to do that?

Do you see the common thread throughout the years that God is doing with me?  This goes back years of Him pursuing me, seeking me to learn about Him and His ways and what He wants for this life He has given me.  This was something I was allowing to control me and allowing me to slow down His purpose for me.  There are so many more examples that I see God trying time and time again to show me so that I'll wake up and see the bondage around me.  I realized I was in bondage and didn't even know it.  I was living in fear and didn't even realize it.  I was telling God, "Whatever you want me to do I'll do it for you," but the fear of rejection was holding me back, and I had no clue.

Satan was feeding me truth, things about myself that sure they are true but its not THE TRUTH.  It is not what defines me.  Truth that God created me to be creative and artistic but Satan spun it to me with limits.  Told me people enjoy your creativeness but they don't value you really.  All those lies over flowed into my business as well.  I would not want to deal with the rejection of a client and sell myself short, not valuing my time and what gift God has given me.  After feeling this freedom, I thought about the song, In Christ Alone, specifically the verse that says 

"Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ."

LOVE IT! Exactly where I stand today!

To Be Continued...

Thankful Thursday...Rock my world God...part 3

The whole family attended Passion again a few weeks later.  The church had a guest speaker who was a previous kicker for Atlanta Falcons, J. Todd Peterson, graduate of UGA, GO DAWGS! Todd brought a very interesting perspective to my life.  I left church that day in deep thought, trying to analyze what this challenge looks like for my life.  Todd just told the church what that looked like for him and his family but the challenge I was faced with was what does that mean for my walk with God.  I was very confused inside because there are decisions hubby and I are having to make in next several months with what seems to be great opportunities that have come with this position God has granted us.  I began seeking deep in my soul for my true motives and what is in my heart. Praying to God to show me clearly, give me your eyes Oh Lord.  

This battle inside my heart has been on going for about 4-5 years.  I have sought council from my godly mother, godly friends, and most importantly God.  A friend during that time gave me advise that was awesome.  She said you have to check your heart in every situation, what are your real motives for doing something?  This was 4-5 years ago and I was beginning to carry guilt for buying something nice or having success in my business.  Why am I feeling like I shouldn't have?!?! I was in turmoil inside! Began wondering is God calling me to a life of suffering, was He about to ask me to sell everything?! Talking to my mom revealed the same results, check your heart Coleen.  

Through the years, it has continued to be a reoccurring thought.  I have tried to make the feeling go away through things like sacrificial giving or giving my talents for His glory. Honestly not really understanding what was going on inside of me.  What do you want Lord!?!?!? Getting to a point where I just want to say, "Leave me alone! I'm so confused Lord!"  

When I think back to the time this all began, it was when I wanted to sell the BMW.  I didn't want the image that came with driving that SUV.  Just couldn't do it anymore, so we sold it.   It has been a number of things big and small that has been called out in my life.  Another example was when we remodeled our kitchen last summer.  The kitchen was well over due, all original to the 1980's style, duck blue!  Eek! We kept it simple with me repainting existing cabinets, new hardware, adding a few new cabinets my handy hubby installed in other area of kitchen from Ikea.  We agreed on granite counter tops, knowing they yield a good return on investment.  It all turned out perfect! All within our budget, and the best part was no more 80's blue counter tops! After it was all done, I looked around and loved it! It was perfect, till the next day.  I was covered in guilt, did we make the right decision, was this being a good steward with what God has provided? Confusion was setting in deep once again.  I was desiring to be a humble, good steward for God. What does being humble actually mean? What does being a good steward actually mean?  This is when I begin to get in trouble and take my eyes off God and begin to look around me at what others are doing.  The caution light is blinking so brightly but I don't even see it, signs telling me warning, turn around, you are heading down the wrong direction now.  Amazing how we don't see that till it is too late.

I saw what that meant for other families and was thinking that must be what God wants me to do.  Some families where giving up cable TV, some giving up trips to salon, some handbags, some gave up a house they built from the ground up.  I started giving up my hair color, nails, etc. Everything I could think of to bring some peace to this stirring inside.  Honestly nothing was bringing that peace I was longing for.  I was still looking at others thinking they have, but don't seem to be bothered, what is wrong with me! I was seeing it everywhere! I remember watching a Beth Moore video, thinking look at Beth's blonde high lights and pretty nails, her outfit is super cute tonight. Wonder why she has those things and I am so full of guilt when I have them.  What is going on Lord?! Even found myself looking at my pastor and his wife, they dont seem to be bothered by these things.  These are all godly people.  People who are dedicating their lives to live for Christ. Why can't I have a peace about this God.

To Be Continued...

Rock my world God...part 2

The family and I are members of  First Baptist Church of Woodstock and have been for 10+years now.  We have also been attending a church in Atlanta called Passion City Church on and off the past year.  I LOVE Passion City Church! My first experience was when I attended service while Beth Moore was speaking last summer.  The worship was so authentic and moving in my soul, it was a stirring I haven't felt in a long time.  Worship was....freeing.  I am sure some of it was because I knew no one there and felt freedom to give all to God without judgement.  I know it was also the Holy Spirit in that church. The movement that is there is powerful.  My hubs loves it, my kids adore the passion kids area.  I mean who wouldn't, you are having worship in tents! So cool!

Several weeks ago, the kids and I attended by ourselves and the preacher Louie Giglio was just beginning a series called Passion +  Purpose.  Louie was challenging the flock to find their passion and purpose for God.  God has created each one of us with different talents and passions for a purpose that serves God.  Some are called to full time mission work while others are not.  Some are called to stay here and work in a salon or in the business world.  We need to embrace our passion and run with it for God!  The stirring inside of all of us is put there for a purpose so that we reflect back to the TRUE ONE who gave it to us in the first place.  The purpose of every human created is to know God and make God known.  That is our great commission.

"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had,  so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6

One thing that really stood out to me with flashing lights, cause God knows that is what it takes to capture my attention at times, that Louie said was that we don't need to make Jesus great because we can't make Him any greater then He already is.  We are only called to make Him known, period! BOOYAH!  We should come together as a church and/or community for the same purpose, even though we aren't doing the same things with our talents and gifts.  God doesn't call us to the exact same walk or way as others.  We are special! We have to be careful when we start to compare ourselves to others.  I believe there is a healthy way to do that, but it can cross over into not walking our walk God has created us specifically for.  It can cause our eyes to loose focus on Him.  We can become consumed with  comparison, thinking we have to do or act just like this or that person.  They are walking with God on their own personal walk, so it is going to look completely different then our own.  God is personal, He desires a personal relationship with you and me just as we are.  How beautiful is that thought!  He wants us just as we are, broken, shameful, torn, in need.  Absolutely BEAUTIFUL in His sight!

Remember your talents can be used to reach people that someone else can't reach, so be careful to compare and think you have to change what God has created.  

You can use it as a challenge for your life but not as a copy cat.  I am so guilty of this! I found myself trying to copy others walk with God instead of allowing my personal relationship with God and what He has created me for to flourish in our special time together.  

To Be Continued...

Rock my world God...part 1

Ask God to rock your world and He will!

Last week was AMAZING!  I am overwhelmed with what God is doing in my life.  He has never given up on me.  He didn't leave me as I am, broken and unseen by Him.  He pursued me continually year after year, moment after moment, through many people.  I think about how I left conversations listening but yet not understanding at the same time.  Confusion set in, so I began to pray let me see you Lord.  I realize He can't reveal all to us at one time because that would be too overwhelming for our minds to handle.  We can't grasp the Lord and His mighty strength with our human minds.

"I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now." John 16:12

God revealed a stronghold in my life, which I had no idea even existed.  I knew I was walking in His will for my life but always felt like I was missing something, somewhere. Just had no clue what it was.  I even thought it was Satan fooling me, to get me off track, so I would dismiss it but it always came back in one way or another.

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." 1 Peter 5:8-9

I also remember from a study by Kelly Minter, No Other Gods, she was talking about the crafty nature of Satan and the Bible refers to him as the Father of Lies from the beginning.  When the serpent asked Eve "Did God actually say..." Genesis 3:1, it was to create doubt.  The same tactics Satan used then he is still using today, on me and you. He tells us true statements, but ultimately it's not THE TRUTH to keep our focus off God. This was what he was doing to me, using true things in my life but not the truth, all the while keeping my focus off God. 

"keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the God's throne." Hebrews 12:2

I meet an older women in the hallway of a conference two weekends ago.  I was in thought while thousands of women pass me by, thinking how each one of them have a story God is writing specifically for their lives, some in pain and suffering,  others in joy.  This lady stopped in front of me and simply said "Smile, honey." She was very petite.  I'm only 5'5" and I remember having to look down into her eyes. When I looked at her, her face had a glow about her.  I almost dismissed this opportunity but looked at her again.  She said you look like someone who just sits back and observes a lot.  I said your right I look at all these women here and each one has a story God is knitting for them.  She responded with you're right and if we are not seeking His word and guidance for our lives we will miss it.  She began to cry, then so did I.  We hugged.  She then asked me if I have ever done the study Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby.  I said funny you mention that study, my mom gave it to me years ago when I was very young in my walk.  I did several days and got discouraged and stopped because I felt it was way over my head.  She encouraged me to pick it up again and do it.  She mentioned how helpful it was to her in seeking God in her life and how we miss the boat sometimes with what he desires for us.  She smiled again and we parted ways.  At the time I listened but did not recognize all that I do now about that conversation with that woman.  I recently finished a study and have been praying about what to do next, but just didn't have a peace about what. A friend has been talking a lot about God working on her believing God and His promises.  He is who He says he is and He will do what he says He will.  He is faithful to the end.  We know that but do we truly BELIEVE it.  Big difference... She is thinking of doing Beth Moore's Believing God, which I thought I would do with her since I haven't heard anything else at this point.  I honestly never felt a peace about doing that study and recently told her I'm not doing it, between my schedule and timing, its just not going to work out.  Now I see the study for me is Experiencing God, like my friend who's word is believing God, my word is experiencing God. 

I left the conference in red financially with my booth, but I knew God called me to do that.  I had no idea why and still unsure why, but rested in the fact He will use this someway or another.  I don't know how but confident something for His glory would come out of it.  It always does! God is good, all the time!

To Be Continued....

Thankful Thursday...glow in the dark bracelet

Last week, I got an email from my daughter's teacher about a parent's concern regarding their daughter needing to get a bracelet from my child that glows in the dark.  The other little girl is hysterical cause her mom will not give her $5 and she is scared my child will run out of these bracelets.  My first instinct when I read this was fear! Fear that I was creating waves, they always say don't rock the boat.  I did not want to create any drama or even make my kids a target at their school because of these bracelets. The teacher asked me to email and explain to the mother what the bracelets are about.  I was nervous and scared but let it go and gave it to God to handle.  "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14 was a verse God gave me weeks before that I have been clinging to tightly.

After my ladies bible study ended, I typed an email addressing the mothers concern.  I apologized for creating the hysteria in her child.  Explaining that my daughters took them to school to sell to teachers, staff, and close friends. Then told her I was going on a mission trip to Costa Rica in June.  The bracelets were to be a reminder of prayer for those who purchase one.  All of the money from bracelets goes back to the trip which we will be working on a church during the day and VBS at night to local children.  I apologized one more time, prayed, then sent that email on it's way!

When I woke up the next morning, I had a bit of concern over that email, how would it be received, would she understand or would she persecute me.  I thought this is the denying of Christ Jesus talks about. "And you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved" Matthew 10:22  We might not be accepted for what and who we believe in.  We will be made fun of or things even worse.  Then I thought we are to follow Jesus at all cost, because He is worth it! "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent." Acts 18:9

I let it go to God once more for good this time. (Some things are so hard for me to not try to take back from God once I give it to Him.)  The response back was received by that mother and she wished me luck on my mission.  My ladies bible study the night before spoke on when we get divine anointing, we can expect big things from the results even if they are small in our eyes.  These bracelets are small in cost but the big results that will come from them, through others money used to purchase them and the prayer that will come from them will be HUGE.  Like Jonah's speech from God to Nineveh.  Jonah said to the whole city "40 days from now, Nineveh will be destroyed." That's all he said, those few words! But those small words had God's anointing on them and it sparked one of the biggest revivals in history.  That's a really overwhelming thought to just how great our God is and to how if we were only more willing and obedient to obey Christ!

I sometimes use my Bible app so that I can flip to different versions of the same verse easily. As I was waiting for the app to open, I began thinking how that mom probably thinks I'm some crazy fanatic or worried she might be passing judgement on me or my kids.  I looked down to the app now open and the verse for the day read...

"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:10

I burst into tears because in that moment I felt His great love for me and for all people.  My reassurance from my heavenly father! Thank you Jesus! 

 

Thankful Thursday...for oil changes.

Oil changes make me smile!

I get my oil changed every 3000 miles, okay so sometimes its more like 4000 or even 5000.  Eek!  There is one particular place that I go to get that "to-do check list" item done and as soon as I walk through the door the smell makes me smile! I'm sure those guys in there have identified me as the super smiley crazy mini-van mom is here. :)

That smell of car oil and grease reminds me of my daddy.

He was a hard working mechanic and I can still clearly picture him when I close my eyes.  What he looked like and smelled like every day he would come home from work.  His hands dirty with grease stains, the navy blue work pants he would wear with a different colored t-shirt and black steel toe boots, his shaggy dirty blonde hair, and a smirk of a smile, all would smell of auto shop grease. At the time he was just down right stinky to me, but now that smell makes me smile.

My father passed away February 1, 1995 of leukemia.  I am at a point in which I have been without him more years of my life then I had with him.  That is a heart breaking thought for me. But I am so thankful for the time I did have with him, no matter how short it seemed in my eyes.

I cling to this verse when my heart is breaking from the loss of my earthly father. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4  God's word is truth! If He says those that mourn will be comforted, I can hold on to that truth and take comfort in knowing that it will happen. 

Proverbs 30:5 "Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection."

John 17:17 "Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth."

Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

What do we do while we are waiting for God's comfort to arrive?

Habakkuk 3:17-18 "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

We rejoice and give Him the praise He desires! In my obedience to that command, I find my comfort.

Thankful Thursday... daily bread.

A reoccurring theme in my life I have recently been seeing is the concept of daily bread from God.

That theme has crossed my path in different ways. It has come through different preachers, different studies, and different words.  Daily quiet time, give us this day our daily bread, manna for each day, step-by-step, lighting one step at a time, for today are just a few,  but they all have the same meaning for me.

If I think back to the beginning of when I saw this theme starting, it was a long time ago.  Man I must be a slow learner.  The first time I noticed it was with encouragement on having a daily study time or some say quite time with the Lord.  I heard it from my pastor, my Sunday school teacher,  my friends and of course my momma.  I felt like it was everywhere and something everyone had but me.

I was unsure of what daily time with the Lord was or what it was even suppose to look like.  I am a visual learner and wanted to so bad be a fly on the wall of a friends quiet time to see what this would actually look like then adapt it to my personal life.  I needed some bones, structure or frame work, if you will, to start with.  When asking people about their personal time with God, I would get the response, "well God speaks to us all in different ways" or "we just have to be quiet and listen for Him," "how he speaks to one he might not speak that way to another." I truly understood those statements but they didn't help with what my time with God would or should look like. What I did learn is that the season of your life can also determine what your walk will look like or how much you are even able to take in from God.

When my desire for a quiet time started, I was up to my neck in dirty diapers, dirty laundry, dirty dishes, dirty house, dirty everything.  I was exhausted, mentally and physically.  Taking care of 3 little toddlers and a traveling husband left little energy, time or desire to invest in someone else or something else for me to have to do.  I didn't have the time or patience to "sit quietly and wait."  That was like telling me to make an appointment with a doctor to get my toe nails pulled off, ain't gonna happen!

I did know that there was something powerful to getting my daily bread from God.  I also knew He knew what I was enduring at the moment and God would honor my efforts during this season. I started with 5 minutes then grew to 10, 15, 30, 45, then an hour or two; which was over the process of YEARS I tell ya!

What I have experienced with my relationship with God really is just like the advise I received above because "The Lord YOUR God" is personal to you. (Exodus 20:2)

I encourage you to just take that first step to spend time with God and receive His daily bread for you.   The more and more you are with Him, I promise, the more and more He will reveal Himself to you in ways that is personal to only you. It will bring a smile to your face to see Him working in your life and working so personal to you because He knows us better then we know ourselves.  How can I say that?  Well He did create every nook and cranny of our personalities, bodies, minds, everything.  "I am the good shepherd.  I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:14-15

No matter what journey you are on and path God has you walking right now, keep in mind He gives us daily bread, manna only for the day and a step by step plan.  It's there waiting for you to take it.  I know about the times when we want the whole picture or idea or want to know the will for our lives right now but keep this in mind,  "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now." John 16:12

Priscilla Shirer said "He (God) doesn't withhold information because He doesn't love you but because of His great love for you." Isn't that an amazing statement! Just take a minute and let that sink in cause yes, it's that powerful.

I leave you with encouragement to receive your daily bread from God.  He will give you just what you need for that day, no more no less.  Don't be afraid to ask Him, "Show me Lord my daily bread for today.  What do you want me to learn about You today Oh Lord? Reveal yourself to me today personally."

"The unfolding of your words gives light;  it imparts understanding to the simple."  (Psalm 119:130)

Chew on this...

He’s not here, He has Risen! Is that what our actions and words say to the

world? Do people know we are the church? Do they know we are His people? That

we are people of a risen Lord? Pray this week for our actions to reflect our

beliefs. Pray that they know we are Christians by our words, by our actions,

and by our love.  ~ Frances

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful for discipline.

Hmmmmm..... that can be very hard for many of us to say.  It can really sound crazy, but I'm thankful for it.  There was definitely a time in my life when I would have NEVER said I was thankful for discipline.  For today, I can say that confidently I am thankful for God's discipline He allows in my life.

There was a time when I would react like an Israelite and want to go back to my slavery in Egypt.  Sometimes the growing pains are so hard I just want to live in the past, in my time of ignorance. It feels like I'll be wandering in the desert forever.  I have to remind myself that God is leading me to my promise land.  He is a god who keeps His promises.

Genesis 28:15 "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land.  I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

Exodus 3:17 "And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites-a land flowing with milk and honey."

I am currently studying about Jonah.  As this study first began I remember thinking, why on earth do I need to do this right now.  I know even if this is all I walk away with is the discipline area, it will have been worth it. Although I'm sure I'll get much more from it.

The author of my study got me to think about a time of discipline in my life.  I began to first think of my own children and how I discipline them and why I discipline.  It's because I love them and don't want them to grow up to be hellions.  Ha!  Then I thought about God, how and why He disciplines me. What an awaking moment in my heart!  He disciplines me because He love me....and doesn't want me to go to hell.  He desires for me to grow closer to Him and learn His ways and what He wants my life to be for Him. The only way for me to learn all that is through discipline, which involves pain sometimes.  I can promise from that pain, God heals and grows me closer to Him.

Hebrews 12:5-6 "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as his son."

That is why I can say today I'm thankful for discipline.