Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The Entitled Good Girl

Jealousy has been rearing its ugly head in my life lately. It's crazy how when you let that sit in your heart, it festers and grows so fast. It is like a horrible disease consuming your body from the inside out.

Some days it is only little things, I will dismiss them and "move on" by trying not to think about it or I will keep myself busy and distracted. Other days, it is all consuming in my heart and mind. I repeat and repeat and repeat the verse in Bible about taking my thoughts captive.

2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Jealousy is NOT a way to be obedient to Christ. There are times when it feels too late because I've let it multiply into a beast of a heart problem. This is what I get for not going to God with even what seems to be a small issue in my heart; for taking matters into my own hands, thinking I can handle this issue myself. It's small enough and I'm strong enough on my own. Now it is a full blown disease consuming my insides. The beautiful side to this is that God can still cure me!  This is also why there is a need to lay "it" (whatever "it" is for you) at His feet daily, no matter how big or small. A concept I know in my head, but have trouble walking the walk of my talk or however that saying goes. :)

On this particular morning, my mind was being swallowed up with jealousy, things of this world, feeling like I do everything right, follow all the rules, follow God, etc. I lead a good Christian life. I do all these things, that you ask of me God, but feel like you are blessing others and ignoring me, especially the others who aren't even followers of you or don't even believe in you.

Yes, I know we don't focus on the world and what it has to offer. We keep our eye on the prize of eternal life. We are in a covenant with Jesus that says if we love Jesus we can't love the world. But that darn flesh has super hero power and strength over me at times.

The family and I were watching a show the other night about these extreme pools people were building. Boy were these extreme, from a cost of 1.3 million up to 5 million dollars, these people were spending to transform their backyard into a pool (more like a water park) oasis.  My jaw was dropped almost the whole show. Each pool topped the previous pool. These people had millions of dollars to spend on a pool, a pool to play in part time, not like they are living in this space, like a house or something.  Any who, just blew my mind and definitely stirred up my jealous heart.  I am seeing these stirrings in my heart now as God trying to show me something and I need to heed to that pricking of my heart.

Sunday, the pastor ended his message with the prodigal son story and how the younger son wasted all his inheritance, but no matter what we do we can't get too far away from God that He doesn't open His arms to accept us back.  Throughout the story, my mind would wander back to the older son.  That was who I could relate to the most, because I follow all the rules, mostly anyways :), do what I am suppose to do, but I feel sometimes the party is thrown for the one who does all the wrong and basically has thrown you under the bus God for nothing.  The rule breaker (younger son) comes home and is given a new robe and ring, a massive celebration party in his honor of returning home.  I have been slaving away, working hard, doing what is right and get what seems like nothing.  Nothing for all this good I've been doing.  Of course I'm jealous God! The squeaky wheel gets all the oil, feel there is nothing left for me.  

Just doesn't seem right, I understand the point to Jesus story but what about the older son, few mention him when they preach this message, other then he was wrong and his heart was just as wicked as the younger son, but why?  He is the one I identify with. What am I to do to break this thought process of jealousy?  How do I handle it cause dismissing it doesn't work, I lay it at His feet, but seem to pick it up later.  I'm a very visual learner so I keep thinking what does this actually look like, on a daily basis for me, on a walking the talk process.  I need an example God!

Well hello Coleen... I have the greatest example right within my reach, Jesus Christ!  He came to earth in flesh, in the appearance of a man like us.  He was God, people!!!! In the highest position possible, but put that righteous robe on the hanger then put on my robe of sinful man and allowed me to put on his robe of righteousness.  What a God!!!

Philippians 2:5-8 "5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!"

Verse 6 was my answer to my entitled good girl attitude!  The Holman Christian Standard version says "who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage."  He is God, He is perfect, He does everything right, He is sinless but NEVER used that to His advantage or expected something for how good He is while here on earth.  

Do you see where I'm going with this? No matter how much I follow the rules and do good I can't use that to my advantage or expect a reward for my gain.  Christ didn't and He was God, Lord of ALL heaven and earth.  He had every right to use that privilege but He didn't.  What makes me think I deserve that when my King didn't think that even for himself, who is worthy of it!

My mom said to me that same morning, "Jealousy is my weakness into a bad habit."

Wow again! This bad habit of jealous thinking can be broken, but only with Christ.  I don't have to accept this ugliness about myself as just who I am, because Christ came to earth, humbled himself to the point of dying on a cross for me so that I can be righteous with Him.  I can live in victory with Him.  I can have eternal life in heaven with Him.  This is also for you if you will accept His invitation and allow Him to switch-a-roo robes with you.  He is worthy and He can handle it WAY better then we can.  So humble yourself, put it all aside and put yourself in Christ hands.  

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