I
have been trying to figure out for the past month what to write about this
trip. It just did not go as I expected. I have prayed about what to
write and God has now given me the words.
Costa
Rica was a whirlwind of a trip. It might
sound discouraging, but coming out on the other side now, I know it
all filtered through His hands and for a reason.
My
mom, Frances, has been asking me for years to go on this trip with her. I have continued to say no. I never felt God leading me down that
path. Over the years my heart became hardened
to the idea of Costa Rica. I was feeling
a little like Pharaoh in Moses life.
Until January 2013, my heart was instantly changed. I knew God was calling to go on this trip
because of the softening He did in my heart.
The veil was lifted for me. 2 Cor
3:16 says “But whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is removed.” I knew it was time for me to obey.
I
went with a very expecting heart to learn more about God. For Him to reveal Himself to me, for me to
experience Him in a way I never have.
Boy did I ever!
Isaiah
55:8-9 says, “ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways,” declares the Lord. On this trip
God revealed things about myself that was very ugly. I did not like what He was showing me. It was very painful to see that side of
me. In the midst of this trip, I felt
like it was all about me and learning more about myself. I wanted this trip to be all about God. I was very angry and frustrated once returning
home, even thought, “Won’t be doing that again! Why would you, God, take me all the way to
Costa Rica to show me how ugly I am?! What a waste!"
This last month, God has shown me that trip was about me, but yes it was also
about Him. It was about the two of us
together. The trip was never meant to be
only about Him. It was about our
relationship growing, my trust in Him growing.
He was showing me how much He loves and cares for me, not to leave me
just as I am. He loves me so much to let
all that pain filter through to help transform me to be more like Christ. 2 Cor 3:18 says “so all of us who have had
that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord-who is the Spirit-makes us more
and more like Him as we are change into His glorious image. “
Over
the years I’ve felt confused with who I am and even said, “I don’t recognize
myself any more, not even sure who I am.”
God used my obedience with Costa Rica to secure me to Him. Of course I’m not the same person I was back
then. Praise God! I have been saved and transformed through
Christ. This unrecognizable person is
Christ working in me. He is cleaning out
all my ugly’s and making room for Him to live and occupy my whole heart, not
just part of it, the whole thing. He’s
putting up a no vacancy sign for sin!
There
were times on the trip when my mind and thoughts were running wild, but the
Holy Spirit brought me to Phil 4:8 “Whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”
This
trip God showed me how out of control I let my thoughts go, and that I allow
those thoughts to consume and control my actions. One specific morning when we arrived at the
church grounds we were building, I knew Satan was waiting to consume my
mind. I went to the bathroom praying to
God to take captive my thoughts. I knew
this was becoming a controlling factor for me.
I began to recite Phil 4:8. I
was drawing a blank. I could only think
of two things, “whatever is true and whatever is pure” I couldn’t remember the
rest of the verse at all, nothing was coming to mind, completely blank. I asked
God, actually it was more like begging Him, to bring something that is true and
pure. Lord let me see whatever is true
and pure. I was walking out of the
bathroom repeating those two truths when a little girl, maybe 4 or 5, who had
not been at the work site previous days, ran up to me and gave me the tightest
hug. I knew that was Christ in the
little girl, true and pure. He was
letting me know He has never left my side even in those dark moments of my
mind. He loves me too much to leave me broken
as I am.
This
trip has opened my eyes to God’s great love for each one of us as His children. God is teaching, molding, conforming me to be
more like Him through the hardships. I
love the song by Mercy Me, Bring the Rain. The words are so powerful and so
very true for me right now! In the stormy moments of life, that is when our
relationship with God grows at its greatest; our need for Him is greatest; His
love for us is greatest.
Will
I go on a mission trip again? Most definitely!
I did learn more about God but also about myself and who I am in Christ.
Eph
2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not
from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can
boast.
I am
so thankful for God’s grace!